How to support an employee who has become a dementia carer

Our behavioural specialist tells us how to support an employee who has become a dementia carer.

Caring for a parent with dementia is one of the most challenging and emotionally taxing experiences I’ve encountered as a behavioural specialist, and in my own personal life.

Even with my professional background, I’ve found the journey to be complex and, at times, overwhelming. When you are both a caregiver and a family member, the lines between professional objectivity and personal emotion blur in ways that are difficult to manage.

In my work, I’ve often counselled families on how to cope with dementia. I’ve offered strategies to manage difficult behaviours and communication techniques to maintain a connection with their loved ones. But when it’s your own parent, those strategies can feel insufficient.

The emotional weight is heavier than I could have ever imagined.

The personal impact of coping with dementia in the family

One of the most profound impacts of caring for a parent with dementia is the gradual loss of the person you once knew.

Dementia is a thief, slowly stealing away the personality, memories, and abilities of someone you love. I’ve always emphasised the importance of recognising and celebrating the moments of clarity, the times when your loved one is still there with you, even if only briefly. But when it’s your own parent, those moments are bittersweet. They remind you of what you’ve lost and what you are continuing to lose.

The emotional toll is compounded by the physical demands of caregiving.

Dementia often comes with a range of challenging behaviours, such as aggression, wandering, and confusion. Managing these behaviours requires constant vigilance, patience, and, frankly, an extraordinary amount of energy. Despite knowing the best practices, there were many days when I felt drained, both physically and mentally.

There’s also the matter of balancing the roles of caregiver and child. As a behavioural specialist, I’m accustomed to being in control, to guiding others through the maze of dementia care. But when it’s your parent, the dynamic shifts. You’re no longer just the specialist. You’re the child who is losing a parent piece by piece.

The grief is ongoing, an ever-present undercurrent that affects every interaction.

Moreover, there’s the sense of isolation that often accompanies caregiving. Friends and extended family may not fully understand what you’re going through, and it can be difficult to articulate the complexities of the situation.

Supporting an employee through their dementia story

I always advocate for caregivers to seek support for themselves, whether through counselling, support groups, or simply talking to someone who understands.

It’s crucial to have an outlet for the emotions that come with caregiving.

So, supporting an employee who is balancing their job with the challenges of caring for a family member with dementia is an important job. Plus, it requires sensitivity and practical measures.

It can feel challenging for you as a leader to know how to support an employee who has become a dementia carer. But one of the most challenging aspects for your employee will be the realisation that there is no "right" way to do take this journey. Every person with dementia is different, and what works for one person may not work for another.

I’m used to adapting strategies to fit individual needs, but with my own parent, I had to accept that I couldn’t fix everything. There were times when all I could do was sit with my parent, hold their hand, and simply be present.

Here are some effective ways to offer support to your employees.

1. Foster open communication

Encourage a culture where employees feel comfortable sharing personal challenges, such as caring for a loved one with dementia. Create a safe space for these conversations and ensure confidentiality. Understanding their situation allows you to offer the right support, whether it's emotional or logistical.

2. Offer flexible work arrangements

Employees dealing with dementia caregiving often face unpredictable schedules and increased responsibilities. Offering flexible working hours, remote work options, or even reduced hours when needed can alleviate stress. It can help enable them to manage their personal and professional responsibilities more effectively. Read my blog on navigating people challenges in the age of technology to help be a great leader while your employees work from home.

3. Provide access to resources

Offer information on local support services, dementia care groups, or counseling. Some organisations provide access to employee assistance programs (EAPs) that can connect staff with counseling or caregiving resources. Raising awareness about external dementia support networks can give employees valuable tools to cope with their situation.

4. Promote self-care and wellbeing

Caring for someone with dementia can be emotionally draining. Encourage your employee to prioritise their own wellbeing by promoting mental health days, wellness programs, or even offering access to relaxation spaces within the workplace. Employees often neglect their own needs when consumed by caregiving, so small reminders and support can make a big difference.

5. Maintain regular check-ins

Keep an open line of communication with your employee, ensuring they feel supported without being overwhelmed. Regular check-ins allow you to assess how they're coping and whether additional support might be required. This level of care can build trust and loyalty, showing that you value their wellbeing as much as their work.

To round up…

In the end, caring for a parent with dementia has deepened my empathy and understanding of the struggles that families face. It’s given me a more profound appreciation for the resilience of caregivers and the importance of compassion, both for others and for oneself.

If you’re able to offer flexibility, understanding, and resources, you can help reduce the burden on employees. Therefore, you can help them balance work and caregiving, allowing them to feel supported both personally and professionally.

It’s a journey marked by loss, but also by moments of connection and love that, despite everything, persist through the fog of dementia. Be sure to connect with your employee during this difficult time, whilst striking the right balance as a leader.